


Unwanted

by UltraGari



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, How Do I Tag, Insecurity, Light Angst, Some Fluff, first work so it might be bad, kind of a bad past, soft Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23038663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltraGari/pseuds/UltraGari
Summary: Levi was standing in front of her now, his eyes trying to get used to the darkness. The moon was barely visible tonight. Seeing her so sad make his heart ache every single damn time and he couldn’t help it. The way her arms clung to the horse as if she was drowning. The way she leaned against it as if she couldn’t stand by herself. He hated the sight of it, because it meant that there was something she should be talking about with him, not with that damn animal. He knew he wasn’t the best at comforting other people, but hell he wouldn’t listen to her.“Are you intending to fucking strangle it or something?”
Relationships: Levi/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	Unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> 'right, let's do this!  
> This is like my first work, at least in English, so if anything sucks, don't hesitate to tell me!

Levi found her in the stalls. She was standing next to her horse, arms wrapped around and the face buried in the neck. Pain started to form in his chest. He knew immediately that she was sad and most certainly crying. It wasn’t the first time he was searching for her, since she always sought comfort from her animal after an expedition to cope with her feelings for the fallen comrades. Today, he was grateful for her habit. When the woman didn’t come to get dinner, he was concerned. But when she didn’t come to his room earlier that night, he knew something was up. And it had probably to do with him. So, Levi went straight to her quarter and after that to the stalls, all while his mind kept racing, trying to figure out what he did wrong. Thinking of it, his girlfriend was quite silent during the day, but she came to him for the afternoon break they most of the time spend together with a cup of tea. Unfortunately, the man had to send her away. There was an expedition in a few days to get Hanji some titans and with that comes work. Therefore, he had to decline her offer to make the beverage. He didn’t see her after that for the rest of the day.

Levi was standing in front of her now, his eyes trying to get used to the darkness. The moon was barely visible tonight. Seeing her so sad make his heart ache every single damn time and he couldn’t help it. The way her arms clung to the horse as if she was drowning. The way she leaned against it as if she couldn’t stand by herself. He hated the sight of it, because it meant that there was something she should be talking about with him, not with that damn animal. He knew he wasn’t the best at comforting other people, but hell he wouldn’t listen to her.

“Are you intending to fucking strangle it or something?”

Even though Levi kept his voice down she still jerked up her head in a rush. Her eyes were wide. It obviously took her a second to recognize him in the dark.

“Shit, Levi, you scared me”, she whispered. If he wouldn’t have known before, he would known from her broken voice and how she turned away, bringing her hands up to her face that she had been crying. He moved a couple of steps closer to her.

“Fucking stop. That’s disgusting. Take this.” He held out the handkerchief he always had in his pockets in advance. After a few seconds she took it, not even looking at him and with slightly shaking hands. It took all his control to give her a moment to calm herself. At least the woman wasn’t hysterically sobbing. Instead, Levi petted the horse which he was grateful for. It was reliable and saved her a couple of times already.

“So, you mind turning around and telling me why the hell you’re standing here in the middle of the fucking night, making me look for you and risking us both getting sick? I won’t care if you’re gonna cough your lungs out.”

Levi didn’t mean to sound so harsh and he regretted it instantly when she flinched.

“I’m sorry, Captain. I appreciate your effort, but nothing is wrong with me.” The woman swiftly turned around and tried to give him a cheerful smile. Her hair was a bit of a mess and her hand clenched around the white fabric, but her eyes were red and swollen. She must have had a headache too.

Levi clicked his tongue. “Cut the bullshit. You’ve clearly been crying. Probably a lot.”

She never really believed that this would work since she was smarter than that. To prevent more tears, she bit on her tongue and wrapped her arms around herself. His heart was skipping a beat. Even though he knew she was a soldier and more than good at holding herself, she looked so small and fragile that he got afraid the next wind would take her away. In that moment, Levi wanted nothing more to embrace her and protect her from whatever she was suffering from.

“Perhaps we should go back to my room and I’ll make us some tea while you collect yourself. Sounds good?” He tried to be gentler, since he didn’t want to be the wind his mind just crossed. Relief was flooding through his veins as she said goodbye to her horse, locking the door and following him. She didn’t say a word after that. There were some inches between them and although they were in public and a cadet could encounter them, he wanted her closer. Her eyes focused on the ground all the way to his quarters. She went straight to the bathroom to probably fix herself. The captain made his way to the kitchen. A few soldiers were still up and playing cards and lucky for him, they just nodded to greet him. While the water was heating up, he remembered today. Were there any hints for her sadness? Did she say anything? Did Hanji mention something to him? He was going through every single damn second he spend with her, but he couldn’t come up with anything. His head hurt a bit by the time the kettle was ready. After bringing his tea to perfection, he walked back to his room. The woman sat on his sofa now, fiddling with a cushion. She barely looked up when he placed the cups down. A quiet Thank you was muttered.

“Alright, you ready to talk now? And don’t you dare call me Captain again. We’re alone in my quarters.” The black-haired man placed himself next to her, closer than when they were walking, but not close enough. One arm landed on the backrest behind her neck and the other one loosely on his crossed legs.

She took a deep breath. “It’s stupid.”

He clicked his tongue. “It can’t be stupid if it bothered you that much.”

“You will laugh about me”, she resisted.

Levi clicked his tongue again. “Stop being stupid, brat. I might laugh with you about the new recruits failing and hurting themselves, but I won’t fucking laugh about you. Like ever.”

Her lips turned upward. It wasn’t a full smile and short, but better than nothing. She sighed. “I don’t know where to start.”

Slowly, his fingertips moved to her neck and caressed her skin there. Levi knew damn well how that would send shivers down her spine and make her relax more. “How about you start looking at me, quit breaking your fingers and then the beginning, I suppose.”

The woman grabbed her cup and wrapped her hands around it. The soldier finally placed her gaze on him. Her eyes were less red. The sadness remained, but it was mixed with something like shame. “Have I told you ever about my family?”

His fingers made small circles on her neck while he tried to come up with anything. “No.”

“Well, I came from quite a big family. I have three siblings. Two older brothers who were both troublesome but adored by my mother. Then there is my little sister of which you can say that she is the perfect child. Intelligent, good-hearted, beautiful. My father loves her. Then there was me. Sometimes it seemed to me like I wasn’t even their child. They made sure I had enough food and a roof to sleep under, sure, but I had days where they just talked to me to give me stuff to do. I can barely remember when they touched me. Sometimes I would get a hug when it was my birthday, but that’s it.” Her voice became lower and lower with each sentence. Her hands were shaking a bit, so she put the cup back on the table.

Levi grabbed them. The man finally got a glimpse of her childhood and he started to understand why she liked to be stroked so much. One of his most precious memories from his mother was the feeling of her touch. The way she would hold him and her fingers gently moving up and down his back until he fell asleep. He couldn’t remember everything, but he would bet his fucking arm that there wasn’t a day she wouldn’t hug him. It saddened him to hear her story. It was also hard to believe since she seemed to be everything her little sister was. Her intelligence is what made him attracted to her in the first place. He laid his eyes on her the first time she talked to Erwin about his plans and the risks and disadvantages it had. Then she made better ones. Levi clearly didn’t chase after her, but he found himself looking out for her more and more. How gentle she was to others and how recklessly she puts herself in front of her comrades on the battlefield. God knows how many lives she saved by risking her own. Needles to say that she was someday standing ahead of him, slicing a titan’s neck, because he was out of gas to do it himself. It was that day they started talking and growing fond of each other. They shared the same taste in books, so she would regularly come to borrow one of his and vice versa. He didn’t realize his feeling for her until one day when they were on an overnight expedition and she laid next to the fire. Her face was so soft and peaceful in the dimmed light that he finally understood why his heart skipped a beat from time to time when the woman was around. Luckily, she made the first step.

“That’s clearly not the main reason why you’ve been sad today.” She intertwined her hand with his. “And it’s clearly not the part why you think I would laugh about you.”

“You’re too smart for your own good, Levi.” The woman gave him an exhausted smile before leaning completely into the touch at her neck. His arms really had the desire to pull her closer, but something kept him from doing so. Maybe it was out of respect for her.

“Alright then, here comes the laughable part. You know last night, I came here and you send me right to bed, because you had work to do, but you told me to wait. And I did. I waited for hours and when you finally went to bed you just turned around without holding me and fell asleep.” Her eyes fell to their hands and some hair hid her face.

He was confused, to say at least. “So… you’re sad we didn’t cuddle?” She shrugged her shoulders. After a few seconds of silence, he realized that she waited for him to laugh. It was just as he thought. He didn’t find it embarrassing at all and he still didn’t believe that it was everything.

He moved some of her hair away. Touching her cheek, he made her look up. “You’re not going to make fun of me?”

Now it was his turn to lazily shrug a shoulder. “Why should I? The only thing I wanna know is why you didn’t tell me earlier.”

“I wanted to. Today, in the afternoon. But you send me away for like, I-I don’t know, the fourth time in a row?” Her breath became unsteady again and she had to bite her lips again. Levi felt ashamed. After all, he seemed to be right to have made her sad in a way he didn’t even think about. It wasn’t until she mentioned it that he was sending her away a few times now. He had been just too busy.

She inhaled deeply. “I know how much you have to do with the upcoming expedition, but I have so much anxiety about it and then you cut our time short and then last night… I guess after everything I just feel so unwanted and that might want to break up wit-”

That was clearly the stupidest thing he ever heard. It also made him give up his control. His arms slung around her und pulled her as close as possible. Her face was finding its way to the crook of his neck while his was buried in her hair. When the smell of her soap mixed her unique one hit his nose, he realized that he had missed her. Taking away their quality time was by far the dumbest way to act before an expedition. His skin was overly sensitive at the places where they were touching and feeling her in her arms made him somewhat relaxed. He knew how to fix this. He could protect her from that type of sadness.

“Don’t you fucking dare even think about finishing that shitty sentence.”

She stayed silent after that.

Pressing her closer to himself, he grunts. “As if I ever want to break up with you, stupid idiot.”

A throaty noise escaped her lips. “I don’t know, Levi. I don’t even know why you’re together with me in the first place. I’m not extraordinary like my siblings, my parents showed me that.” She was crying again. Her tears were making his collar wet, but he couldn’t care less at this point.

“Listen. I don’t know the dipshits that you call your parents and since they don’t know what you’re fucking capable of, they are dumb anyway. You are the only one in your family who became a soldier, aren’t you?” While she was trying not to sob so much, she managed to nod. “See. You’re a lot braver than most of the people in these walls.”

“B-But I still feel so unwanted sometimes”, she mumbled. God, if Levi wouldn’t love her so much, he would have scolded her for grabbing a handful of his shirt to hold onto. At this point, he figured it was best to just held her and let her cry. Even though he didn’t understand why, it was the only thing helping sometimes.

It took her a while before she calmed down again. He broke the silence once he was sure her tears were dry. “I know I’m not saying my love for you often, but in all those ten months and sixteen days we’ve been together there wasn’t a moment where I haven’t wanted or loved you.”

Her head was pulling away to look at him with wide eyes. “You’ve been counting?”

Levi couldn’t suppress a little smirk. “Like I said, you’re not unwanted, you little brat.” When their lips met, his heart skipped a beat. Oh, he hasn’t done that enough too. Her arms finally wrapped around his neck. When he pulled away, there was a smile on her face and her eyes were shining again. Still red and swollen, but not sad anymore.

“I think we need to do that all night before I start to believe that.”

He chuckled. “I can live with that.” With the woman in his hold he shifted around to make it more comfortable. The man was glad that he figured it out what was wrong and he also understood that this feelings will come back. There will be more days where she might question his love for her. He wasn’t an easy human being to deal with and his childhood made him to the person he is today, so he understood the importance of the experiences you make as a kid. It seemed to him like this was a topic they will discuss more often, until her self-esteem is high enough that she can believe she actually was wanted. And Levi was absolutely ready to show her that. He kissed her temple.

“And I will cuddle the shit out of you every night if it makes you happy.”


End file.
